Blog diary of a babydyke

now available at Smashwords

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/403243

thanks for being part of the journey.

Compilation

I am compiling all the blog entries which will be available as an eBook in the next few months. The working title is:

The Diary of a Babydyke in transition.

Any other suggestions will be noted before publication, i.e your name under acknowledgments.

The survey is now closed.

The eBook will be marketed to counsellors in secondary schools in Australia. There will be a print version as well.

The End

This will be the final post on this WordPress from Michael. It has been a fictitious blog to help newly coming-out lesbians get a handle on being a lesbian. Kate’s morphing into Michael was another tale for newly coming-to-terms transgender guys. The people had real things happening to them as teenagers though the writer is not a teen.

            The next stage in this Michael’s journey is getting his full licence, having a double mastectomy and becoming a bookkeeper. And growing a beard. The places are real and Michael’s journey is real for most transmen. Will his family embrace him as Michael or will they keep referring to him as Kate? Each ‘Kate’ is an arrow through his heart but it can only make him stronger. He has to be true to himself and then he’s not false to anyone. We hope so.

            Thanks for being part of his journey.

 

Study #2

I let my fingers do the walking and found I could do Bookkeeping online. A woman at Open Colleges also rang me and sent me information on how I could pay and how long it could take to complete the course. The upfront fee is $3,290 but I could pay weekly, fortnightly or monthly by direct debit. All I needed was $100 deposit. It was $49.84 weekly over 64 weeks. The time needed per week was about 9.5 hours and I would finish in one year. But if I wanted Austudy through Centrelink then I would have to study 20 hours a week and then I would finish in half the time.

I think it’s doable and still do my five shifts at the café.

I hope Marlene is still interested in the course as I would then see her for 20 hours a week. And she could help me or vice versa. I think she’s bright but maths is not my thing but it seems like a versatile course to do. Also, I turn 18 next February so I won’t need my parent’s permission. They would probably give it but they would find a way to put me down.

I shouldn’t have any trouble as I have an IQ of 128 but sometimes I find it hard to concentrate for too long. Marlene can keep me on track and hopefully not want to distract me. We can still go for a swim on my days off and that will keep me fit, as well as running around in the café. Marlene needs to tighten up her muscles as she often sits all day at her laptop, marketing, taking orders, and checking Facebook. I guess I’ll be sitting around doing Business Activity Statements as part of my course. I must tell the boss my plans. He might want to let me do his BAS when I’ve qualified.

Is Michael’s plan to study bookkeeping a good idea? Maybe you could suggest something else. Let us know in the comments. Thanks.

Study

 

I did a test at TAFE looking at my strengths and interests. One course that interests me is Certificate IV in Bookkeeping. I would learn how to do Business Activity Statements which would suit me down to the ground. Even Marlene is ignorant of how BAS works as she doesn’t need to do it every month as her business is under $50,000 and so she doesn’t charge the goods and services tax – GST.

There are no prerequisites for this course and I could finish it in one year if I devote 9.5 hours per week online. I could easily do that and keep my hours at work. Marlene said she’ll learn with me in case the rules change for her business.

I’m now waiting to hear how much it costs and when I could start.

And there were 405 jobs on SEEK last September for bookkeepers.

So it’s a win-win situation.

Meanwhile work is its usual interesting self with old and new customers coming into our café. The boss has been teaching me the barista and I’ll soon be taking orders and making the coffee, though not all at once as the customers may get a trifle annoyed if I do both. However, some cafes are run by one person.

Marlene has been busy organising a printer and a book launch for one of her stories for boys. She said there are lots of books for girls but not for boys. This book is a journal of a 10 year old boy who travels from Melbourne to Broome where he has tennis lessons and joins the Scouts. There are lots of adventures with his peers as well as his parents when they break down and can’t change the tyre.

I’m enjoying my freedom before I get down to study. What do you think of Michael’s choice of study? What about his wanting to do something physical?

 

An outing.

 

On my day off on Monday, Marlene and I visited Rottnest Island. Marlene let me drive to where the ferry takes one across to the island. It was a beautiful day with clear skies and not too hot. And it was great being with Marlene. I was really nervous driving her car but I’m not going to get confident and get experience unless I do. I have to keep a log for about 25 hours before I can move up the chain to getting my full licence and not having to have P plates. For now, I have to still have L plates. When this is complete, I still have to do the Hazard Perception Test which is on a computer. And for which I have to pay. Then I get my P’s – red for the first six months and green for the next 18 months.  I can’t drive at night with red P’s so no late outings. Very strict.

We had a pleasant day using the bus to get around the island. It was surprising to see the bowling greens coloured black. We also went on an underworld trip looking at some wrecks which weren’t really exciting. It was nice to be out and about, with not a care in the world.

On the way back we talked about what I was going to do once I had my P’s and could drive on my own. I also needed a car if I got into a training institute. My cousin’s house is not near a train line so I’d need a car to get to the station or drive to the institute. I still haven’t decided on which course to do but I’d better do it soon as this year is nearly over. I found an institute near me on the north side of town and tomorrow I am doing a test to find out my interests and strengths. It is costing me but I think it is worth it so I make a good choice at the beginning of my career. Then I will have to look at my timetable and talk to my boss about fitting in five shifts. Monday and Tuesday are my days off so they’re good for lectures. Not all my lectures will be in the morning though and that’s where a car will be handy if I have to hurry back to go to work.

In the meantime I’m going to enjoy my outings with Marlene even if I can’t hold hands as I drive.

New regime

It’s so hot I went for a swim with Marlene before work yesterday. We went to her local beach which is on the Indian Ocean and therefore a little cold. There was hardly anyone about so I didn’t have to stress out that someone would notice the lack of a bulge in my wet togs. I stayed in for ages and got a little windburnt on my face which has been red since I started my T injections. I wore a man’s singlet, a size too small, to flatten my breasts but still I felt self-conscious.

Marlene had a lilo so we played on that and I swam all around her when she got hold of it and lay down. It was so great to be cool and having fun with her. I really wanted to have some sexy fun with her but she wasn’t interested. It was all rather scintillating to have bare skin touching. Once I started swimming properly, my version of the crawl, and, keeping the shore in sight, I seemed to swim for ages.

I had no idea of the time and when we retrieved our clothes, I found I had half an hour to change and get ready for work. Whew!

My hair was still wet when I reported for duty but my boss didn’t say anything. Anyone could see I had been for a swim or a shower. Work was pleasant after my dip in the ocean and I resolved to do it oftener, especially as it was going to be a long hot summer. The news said the severity of the typhoon in the Philippines was due to the water warming up. I hope it doesn’t happen here though I’ve heard of cyclones not far north of Perth. That was in 1987 and no doubt some since.

I have a new regime with my T shots now. I only have to go every 12 weeks. It’s called Reandron-1000 and it hurt so it’s just as well I get to recover in between. I’m interested in how my body reacts to it as I was starting to get a bit of fuzz on my chin and down my front. I’ve written in my diary for when I can get the repeat and when to make an appointment with the doctor and the nurse. So the beach and Reandron are my new regime.

 

Hot and bothered.

 

Boy, is it hot. And wearing a binder on my chest is the pits. At least after work, I can peel it off, have a shower and replace it with a loose t-shirt. Marlene loves my breasts, but then, she’s a lesbian. I can’t wait to have my double mastectomy next year but I’ve got all of summer to look forward to. Not. Work is air conditioned so I’m not too uncomfortable, except when I have to wait outside – the boss has taken over the footpath and squeezed in four tables. But it’s the pull of the binder, squashing my boobs to a flat surface. I searched online and ended up making my own – double spandex and sewn down the sides for a few lines to make sure it’s firm. Marlene helped me out there with a sewing machine which she rarely uses and which used to belong to her Mum. We did zig-zag as well as straight lines. Sometimes the binder will rise up if I’m bending over a lot and gets caught beneath my breasts.

Besides wanting to change my body parts, I’m still definite about not having a phalloplasty. I don’t find the male body appealing and the dangly bits turn me off. I found out I could get one ball as two balls were too many for our anatomy – too narrow. I’m still thinking about having something hanging down near my urethra which is where I think they would place it. Apparently it’s very hard so it would be like a marble between my legs. I think I would obsess about sex all the time if I had one as it would be close to my vagina or cockpit as one guy calls it.

Then I would be hot and bothered a lot.

Did I get it?

 

I nearly blew my licence test by not stopping completely at a stop sign. And I lost points by not looking in my rear view mirror every time. It sort of takes the edge off the happiness of getting my licence but I did it and my instructor was very happy for me. He didn’t make any other comment but I know I was nervous and didn’t look in the rear view mirror enough as I could see the tester’s ugly mug. He didn’t instil confidence in me and my instructor had a hard time engaging him in conversation. He gave up and I could hear my breathing getting shallower and shallower. Oh no, I wonder if anyone fainted on their test?

Joe was waiting for me at home as the instructor dropped me off as they do. Joe drove us to a great cake shop down the road and let me indulge my fancy with two cakes. He chose two, too. What a day. This has been so traumatic for me and represents my idea of freedom. I’ll tell my folks later tonight after I see Marlene. I’ve already texted her and she sent a big hug. I bored Joe with a blow by blow account of the test and he knew exactly where I went. My brain was mashed but as I relived the test, the streets and the directions came back to me.

Marlene took me to a bar that was quiet and dark in Northbridge. I still look so young even with all the testosterone coursing through my body. This reminds me, to tell Marlene that my T drug has been put on the private list but it will be worth the extra dollars. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been to the clinic and having to drop my trousers for the injection. It’s just as well I have a big bum as the injection caused a cork thigh on me. C’est la vie.

 

 

How to keep the love

 

Another week to my driving test. I hope I pass. It would be so embarrassing to fail. I haven’t told my parents as they would put me down.

Marlene allowed me to drive us to the pictures so I had experience driving at night. She is very trusting that I won’t panic when there’s a bunch of lights coming towards me. She didn’t distract me and hold my hand (or any other part of me) like she does when she’s driving.

The movie was Thelma and Louise which we’d both seen before but wanted to again. I like the ending the best but would we do it? We would be keeping the love for the time it took to crash at the bottom of the gorge.

We must be due for an anniversary soon. I would like to give her something memorable so that she remembered me forever. I guess each lover is special and memorable and I would like to know how to keep the love, this love of Marlene. She looks at me sometimes before we kiss and I can see the love in her eyes. I’m too scared to ask her if she sees us long term. I think I should be living in the moment, to take each moment as it comes and to tuck it away in my memory. Forever.

Work has been work. No great dramas but the deadly same. I must apply for a course so I can move on when I graduate. I would love a job like Marlene’s as she can work from home, marketing her work which she wrote, then printing it off and posting to her customers.

I’m keeping the love of myself by my fortnightly injections. My thighs became too tough for the needles so we have resorted to the buttocks. My goatee is showing and my periods have completely stopped – yay!